are you still at the devil's house?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
