Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize