Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
