I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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