she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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