It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
