Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
