I want you more than these girls want KFC
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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