I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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