Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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