On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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