I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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