Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
