Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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