I want to stick my p in your. b.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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