Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
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