I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
