I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
