i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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