How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
