All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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