I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
