you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
