i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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