Where are you?
In a non slutty way
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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