I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She bit a glass in half.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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