who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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