i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
