My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
