so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
