you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
