Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
