I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
