I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
3pm strippers are depressing
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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