he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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