Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize