I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
