Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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