i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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