Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
