I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
