Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
