you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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