Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
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im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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