i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
