I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
