it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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