I just threw up on my dentist
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
