i barfeds in our rink
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
