At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
