he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
