Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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