im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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