Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
