Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
