This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
