Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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