I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
