I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
