You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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