Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
