Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
