Sponge bath it is.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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