i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
