I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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