she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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