Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
