I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
