I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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