Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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