all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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