she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
