Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
