You really coming over, don't trick.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
