In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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