i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
